Friday, 11 March 2016

The One Where I Whisper (2 years)

I could start this post in a number of ways. I could apologise for having been away so long; I could tell you all about the post I had written last month giving you all an incredibly explicit insight into my life as it has been; I could tell you how I did not publish that post on the advice of my mother; I could recap bits and pieces of various events that have been going on...

I am not going to do any of these things. Not just yet. I have lots to say. I have been silenced for a long time. It may not have been an implicit instruction, but... How do I explain this? When I write I am honest. Recently I have not been able to write honestly. No. Recently I have not been able to PUBLISH honestly. At present I still can't. Soon I will be able to. There is a lot happening. A lot of change. A lot of feeling scared. A lot of feeling vulnerable. But- I'm welcoming these feelings. It's good to feel. It's good to experience different emotions. It is HEALTHY. Right now I am very very VERY excited about things that are hopefully coming to fruition soon- and that is something that I haven't been able to say for.... well, for what seems like forever.

So, instead of all of the aforementioned things (some of which I'm sure you're dying to hear- although I'm sure that many of you will dramatically change your view of me when you learn them), I shall give you this:

TWO

Today, my baby is two;
And I don't know what to do
(alright guys- just bear with me, it's been a while)

Uhm...
Alright, let's start over:

Piglet is two today;
Yet, here we cannot stay
(NOPE, no good either- stop it Bones)

God's sake man. Right. I've got it.

Piglet. You are my Autumn.
You changed my life you see;
Green leaves turning to amber,
Falling from the trees

Piglet. You are my Winter.
My festive cheer and joy;
The prospect of Santa looming,
Armed with sacks of toys

Piglet. You are my Spring.
Even more change in the air...

Oh my God. This is awful. Piglet, I am sorry. Mummy has lost the ability to write. It's all turned into utter rubbish.

Piglet, you turned two today. Your birthday was not as I had planned it. Far from how I had intended it to be, in fact. But you enjoyed it. At least the parts when I saw you. And I was so glad. I felt blessed to be able to witness you being so happy (seriously- trampoline. GENIUS idea Bones. GOOD WORK). It was beautiful. Truly beautiful. We're going to have some changes soon. Big changes. And if what I have decided to do upsets you at all then I am truly sorry. I think we'll be ok though. I held off on altering things for a long time because I worried that you would struggle but recently, I think as long as we have each other we'll be fine.

My problem, really Piglet, is that I love you too much. I never thought I would say that. Never thought I would love someone too much. Never thought I would be so attached to someone.

You're two today, Piglet. And you're perfect.

For everyone reading this rambling mess of rubbish poetry and emotion- I am aware this makes no sense. I just felt the need to write.

I have lots to say. I have been silenced for a long time. I cannot talk.

But I can whisper.

No comments:

Post a Comment