Saturday, 2 July 2016

The One Where One Day Can Change Everything (27 months + 21 days)

Monday 27th June began by Piglet doing an enormous shit on the floor. That was the start to my week. (Sorry for swearing Nana- but trust me, it was not a poo; it was a shit.)

For those of you good with timelines, you will note that this was the morning after the evening of my minor meltdown. 

Monday 27th June
Monday 27th June I decided that we needed to be busy. For the sake of my mind. So, I cleaned up the shit (as is a mothers duty in life), we had a bath and we went to the Centre for Life in Newcastle to be all science-y and stuff. And it was really nice. It was really interesting. They've got an exhibition currently of all these plastinates of animals which was so cool. They've got the curiosity zone- which I LOVE- because it's basically a section with loads of different stations/activities but none of them have instructions. So it's all about... well, investigating really, and asking different questions and trying different things. And it was fantastic for Piglet because it's all hands-on. (Sorry, totally lost where I was going- Piglet has found a medicine syringe and we were playing injections. Bugger, just realised that this is probably not the best game to play. Shit. Right, no longer playing injections with the baby.) I just really love the sentiment behind it: each part was exactly what you made it to be. Brilliant, brilliant idea.  There was also an experimental section, where you could do "real experiments" with "real scientists", but we avoided that, because my self-esteem was not up to it. We played with some brains (not real brains, obviously). It was fun. We had a lot of fun.

(Currently a sobbing wreck again- just put Piglet to bed and we sang "you are my sunshine" and I can't get through that song without crying- remind me to tell you that story one day.) ANYWAY, we went for a coffee after we had been to the Centre for Life, and it was during this time that I decided to check my emails.

And one was there. An email was there. In my inbox. An email.

I had applied for two masters courses at this point. One in Newcastle. And one in Sunderland. I still wanted to apply for Northumbria. And- desperate times, desperate measures- I was also looking at applying to York, and then if I got in, I was going to work out how the hell I would manage to commute there until my contract on the flat ends in March (I'm not saying this was a sensible plan- it was just a plan. A seriously, seriously desperate broken rubbish illogical stupid plan- but a plan, nonetheless.)

Of the two that I had applied for, Newcastle was my first choice. The course was more in line with what I was looking to progress with. There's a module on chemotherapy which I am obviously highly interested in. There's massive links with the Northern Institute for Cancer Research. If I were to progress with it and decide I wanted to give medicine another shot as opposed to a PhD, it would be beneficial to me- it would enhance my application. The course itself has got a beautiful balance between medicine and chemistry, and for me that's what made it perfect.

Of course, that's also what made it so terrifying to see that the email I had received was from Newcastle. 

Wait...stop. I need to rewind for a second.

The Yellow Book and The Crazy Woman
Have I ever told you about the yellow book? I don't think I have. I'm going to need to introduce the yellow book here. The yellow book was something that I bought in my...third year at uni? It's a ridiculous self-help book. I got it when I was ill and just grasping at straws for anything at all. It's got a ridiculous title... like "Stop being a loser", or "Wake up, you suck", or...what is the title...? OH, that's it, the yellow book is called, "Excuse me, your life is waiting" (yes, you're correct, it was a horrendously embarrassing experience purchasing this book). But I've never called it that- it's always been called the yellow book.

I never finished the yellow book. Because it pissed me off. The general theme, (from the first three chapters that I read), was all about "positive thinking" and "positive feelings" and how that can impact your life and make it OH SO AMAZING. Which is great. And probably true to some extent. But I had an eating disorder and was severely depressed- positive thinking was not in my vocabulary at that point. The other thing that it was all about was believing that things are going to happen. And then they will- your belief will result in them occurring (so basically, it was all about being totally delusional). Now I think, this was also the book that talked about asking the universe for things? And the universe would give them to you.

It's ridiculous. It's a totally insane concept. However, I will tell you now that on Sunday night, post-blogathon, I sat in my living room (as a sobbing, weeping mess) and I prayed, and I begged, and I asked the universe to please please please just let me get in. Please. (YES, OK I AM AWARE THAT I AM CRAZY. I KNOW THIS. You don't need to pass judgement on my desperate, illogical behaviour- I am all too aware that I am an emotionally unstable psychopath. It's fine- I'm working on it.)

Are You Seriously Going To Keep Dragging This Out..?
Long story short- it was a yes. They were offering me a place. And after jumping up and screaming "YES PIGLET, WE'RE IN WE'RE IN WE'RE IN!!!!! OF COURSE YOU CAN HAVE TWO CHOCOLATE COINS, MUMMY IS A GENIUS WE'RE IN!!!!!!!!!", I'm pretty sure that the entire of Cafe Nero knew it was a yes too.

I got my acceptance email from Sunderland a couple of days later.

Monday 27th June had started (LITERALLY) with shit. And it turned out to be quite possibly one of the best days of my life. I haven't stopped smiling since then (excluding the "you are my sunshine" turmoil). I'm so unbelievably happy. 

My self-esteem is awful. But this is the first step to fixing it. And it is a huge one.

BUT WAIT- THERE IS MORE.

The Yellow Book And The Crazy Woman- Part 2
After we had learned that we were once again going to be super scientists, we went to Waterstones, to buy Mrs Piggly a new book (because we have read our library 160000 times over). So there we were browsing away, deciding which one we wanted to pick when- and this seriously happened, I am not joking- a book (Truly Happy Baby by Holly Willoughby, in case any of you were wondering) that was at least 4 feet from us flew off the shelf and landed standing upright.

Now, I'm not one to believe in supernatural stuff. I don't believe in a higher power. I don't believe in the afterlife. I don't believe in fate or destiny. But at the same time- I'm also going to make sure I hedge my bets just in case. So I made sure I said thank you to the universe for getting us in, (again, looking slightly insane in the process).

There's a load more that's been going on, but I think I want to stop this one here for now (leave you on the note that I am crazy. Fantastic ending). I'll probably be putting something up later today/tomorrow with other events and occurrences (but remember- when I'm happy, my writing sucks, so don't expect it to be brilliant or anything).

SIDE NOTE: Our book is now available for pre-order. Here. Click here. On any of these words. It's only an e-book at the moment, because we're self-publishing. But still all very exciting. I'm probably going to be discussing this a bit more in my next post. Along with my 120000 other things. And Scope. Also Scope- who I'm doing the Great North Run for. You can donate here. (Big thank you to people who've donated already. Need lots of support- I'm running against my old boss, so I've got to beat him- in terms of speed and also donations. PLEASE HELP ME.)

Lots of love, and positivity, and good vibes. Make sure you all keep asking the universe for stuff! (Don't ask the universe for stuff- please don't sink to my level) Speak to you soon!

p.s. I've managed to get through a whole post without mentioning anything political. All I'm going to say is: how much of a dirty snake is Gove, man? Sneaky, sly snake. Not good form.

p.p.s I just realised that I'd written "Monday 27th July" everywhere instead of "Monday 27th June". Maybe I need to ask the universe for a new brain aswell?

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