Wednesday, 26 July 2017

The One With Potties and Pleurisy (40 months + 15 days)

So, on Sunday I started writing a really long whiny, bitchy, moany, "shut up Bones, you're so #firstworldproblems" post but luckily for me (and all of you) it didn't save it. Why was I writing such a moody post? Three reasons:

1) I had been diagnosed with pleurisy, and thus was unable to run.

2) I'd started a vegan diet (don't ask) and felt like an absolute starving whale. 

3) I felt fat due to a combination of the above.

BUT I'm over it, so here I am with lots of lovely lovely updates (and minimal hating on my body- apart from the fact that it seems to die on me all the time, and I am sick of it).

Before we tackle any of the above though, let's run through v. v. v. exciting updates in the life of Bones and Piglet:

1) Piglet Runs
We did the Great North 10k at the beginning of July. By we, I mean, I did the Great North 10k. BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY- Piglet partook in the Toddler Dash. Piglet did her own race. And SHE WAS AMAZING!!! Honestly, I was so proud. So, so, proud. And so well-behaved- I didn't even try to pull her to the front or knock anyone in front of us over (well done Bones for being a normal human being and not a competitive psychopath; big big points you crazy crazy woman). 

2) If Piglet is Autistic, I am a Banana
This realisation dawned on me when we went to Party no. 632 (How are there so many children at nursery? Surely it isn't possible to be invited to this many parties?); Piglet's best friend at nursery is called....let's call her... (so much pressure here- please do not infer anything about this child from what I decide to christen her)...right, got it- PBF (Piglet's Best Friend. Nice one Bones- really original). 

So anyway- getting back to the point- we got to this party and Piglet and PBF spotted each other, and I swear to God, it was the most adorable thing in the world. Like they behaved as though they hadn't seen each other for 60 years, in spite of it being Saturday, and they were at nursery together on Friday... So cute. And then they were trying to work out how to reach each other in the maze that is soft play. Not autistic. Beautiful.

Her speech is coming along in leaps and bounds aswell (she found the emergency pregnancy test a few weeks ago- "Mummy, what's this?"; "That's a special test that tells you if there's a baby in your tummy"; "Yay! A baby! Do it Mummy, you do it!"; "Oh no darling, it's just if you think there's a baby and you have to check if  you're right or if your body just hates you"; "Oooooh I see"). So, I have little worries in this regard (more worried about finding her sat on the potty with a pregnancy test). And speaking of potties...

3) Piglet does Potty Training. Successfully. In 48 hours
We had been potty training. We bought a bike. Piglet got sick of potty training and refused to do it anymore. And then on Saturday, I said to NNB that we need to stop messing around and be focused parents and get our shit together. So, we put pants on Piglet. And since then....she's used the potty (honestly, I think part of this is because she really likes yellow, and I told her that wee wees is yellow and she can see that I'm telling the truth by looking in the potty). She had one accident at nursery yesterday, and was apparently inconsolable. Which is really sad. Because she's done so well, and it was only one accident (clearly she is a crazy perfectionist also- don't do it Piglet, just don't do it. Aim for mediocrity!). Other than that though- perfect. Woke up this morning (granted it was at 3:30am) with a dry nappy and went straight on the potty too.

I mean, I did have a bit of a cry about this, because she's not a baby anymore and is officially a Big Girl, but whatever, like, my emotional stability is not the subject of this section. We'll discuss this later. But first...

4) Bones Maintains A 94% Average
YEAH I DO. Got results for first year a few weeks ago. 87% in Organic (but I only needed like 2% in this exam to get a distinction overall so I don't even care about this mark it definitely does not bother me, I'm not going to be that guy that moans because it's not a 90 but yeah you're right I'm really pissed off by stupid organic chemistry). 98% in Bioactive Natural Products. Pretty solid. Pretty solid mark. Not bad. OH WAIT. STOP EVERYTHING. WHO GOT 100% IN CHEMOTHERAPY? OH YEAH, THAT'S ME. ME HERE. 100%. A. PERFECT. SCORE. 

Pretty happy. Except for Organic. But average is still 94% so it's all gravy. All gravy gravy gravy. 

5) Bones Gets Pleurisy (because her body is utterly shite)
This is a story about how you can have a chest infection and think you're fine and all better, until you have horrendous chest pains for two weeks and go to your doctor and he sends you to hospital where they do 700000000 tests on you . And then say you can't run and your life is ruined.

I had a chest infection about a month ago and didn't get it looked at, because...well, I figured it was probably viral and they wouldn't be able to do anything? And then the day before the 10k I started having chest pains... and ran it anyway because... I like medals? I was supposed to be doing another 10k in Durham on the 19th and I went to the doctor that morning because chest pains had lasted almost two weeks. Not intermittent chest pains. Constant chest pain. Anyway, he sent me to hospital (NNB had a small heart attack when I sent him a message about this whilst he was at work) and after 6789 different tests they said it was pleurisy. 

Pleurisy is an inflammation of the lining of your lungs and can be caused by chest infections. Do you know what the remedy for pleurisy is? Rest. And painkillers (have had a lot of codeine recently). But mainly rest.

I really don't like rest.

So, I couldn't do my run. I had two days off work. I lay in bed convinced that my waist was expanding by the second due to this new sedentary lifestyle I was having to lead, and I watched 700000 documentaries on Netflix- one of which was What the Health? Which led to....

6) Bones goes Vegan
I am not convinced about the health benefits of veganism. It is very easy to cherry pick studies to support any claim you want to make, and- let's face it- a lot of studies have been done which have yielded results which cannot be reproduced and are therefore bullshit (*cough* looking at you Andrew Wakefield *cough*)  I am not going to preach about why we should only eat a plant-based diet because I don't necessarily believe that is true. What IS true is that I am very easily grossed out by food. And what's actually in food. I'm not going to tell you the specific part that made me cut out the best 70% of my diet because that's not fair. But if you watch it, you'll know the bit that I'm talking about. 

I'm kind of hoping I get over this quite rapidly? Because I really miss eggs. So maybe I can be vegan, but still eat eggs. I really miss turkey bacon too. That being said, one of the girls at work made some vegan chilli for me and it was literally the best thing I have ever eaten. So maybe I'll start posting loads of vegan recipe ideas on here instead! (I will never do this- I promise, promise, promise you, I will not do this). 

God I'm such a mess.

Big love to everyone! Remember: always get your chest infections checked out and definitely don't watch What the Health, because it WILL ruin your life! (Oh my God I just remembered pizza, like what is life without PIZZA?!)