Wednesday, 9 August 2017

The One With The Worst Bit Of Prose You Will Ever Encounter (40 months + 29 days)

Guys, I'm so so so sorry but I'm having a minor breakdown right now so... here I am. Do you know I'm a problem solver? Can you believe that? Given how much I whine about things on here? Seriously. In "the real world", if you came to me with an issue, I could give you a solution to it. My own problems? Hmm.... maybe this is why I write about them. Then I can work through them on "paper", and they seem less massive.

Let's play a game. Let's play a game in which you have 0 foresight. Maybe I shouldn't phrase it like that.... Let's play a game in which you are incredibly optimistic and naive. Got it? In the right frame of mind? World is a lovely place and everything is always going to end up fine. This. Is. Your. Brain.

Now you're pregnant. And you believed it would all be fine and everything would be ok, but it wasn't, and we've lived this, and you dealt with it, and you planned, and it was sorted (kind of...ish).

I'm going to tell you a secret now, that nobody ever says. Or maybe they do say it and you just don't believe it. BABIES DO NOT GET EASIER. BABIES ONLY EVER GET HARDER.

Actually that's not fair. The babies don't get harder, but all the stupid rubbish that goes alongside the babies gets harder.

Piglet is three. Three years old. I have to start applying for schools for Piglet. I (currently) have no idea where I am going to be when Piglet starts school because I don't know where I'm going to be doing my PhD. So currently, I have several options:

1) I apply for schools in Sunderland.

2) I apply for schools in North Tyneside where NNB's new house that he is buying is (more on this later)

3) I wait until I know for sure where I am doing my PhD and then start applying for schools.

There are issues with each and every one of these options. Yes, I have been offered a PhD at Newcastle, but currently I still want to apply for others, just to have options. If I am to do the PhD at Newcastle, I will be living with NNB in his house. So therefore, it makes sense to apply for those schools, right? BUT I can't apply for those schools because I won't be living in the catchment area at the time of application. I won't be living with NNB prior to doing my PhD because financially, it makes no sense and all the tax credits for nursery disappear. Therefore option number two isn't really an option.

How about applying for schools in Sunderland then? Well, that is equally stupid. Because as I've just said, if I stay in Newcastle, I won't be living in Sunderland.

Which leaves option three. Which is equally as rubbish because school applications have to be in by January which is pretty much the same time PhD applications have to be in for so....

I'll complicate this issue further. I need a school that offers breakfast club and after school clubs. And that is shit. Never have I had so much guilt as the knowledge that Piglet is going to be at school earlier than everyone else, and leaving school later than everyone else. That makes me really, really sad. And very shit. And selfish.

So basically I hate schools. I hate myself. I hate the system. I hate it all. I hate it. And right now, I can't really do anything proactive about it? Which is really frustrating.

I'm stressing about applying for PhD's aswell. Because y'know. Imperial. Sad times. Does a 94% average really outweigh a Desmond? But can't apply for any yet, because they're not advertising for next September yet, so again... stress with no productive outlet.

NNB is moving house. NNB is buying a house because he is a grown-up whilst I am forever 21. NNB has lots of stress about house. He was promised it would be completed before the 14th, because that is when his tenancy ends. It is not being completed by the 14th. They are currently saying the 23rd. So, because I am a problem solver, I suggested NNB miraculously all on his own came up with the idea of staying at mine for a couple of weeks and putting his stuff in storage, which is now the plan.

I'm stressed about NNB moving.

I'm scared about NNB moving.

I think I'm having a little bit of a breakdown at the moment. I suggested yesterday that maybe he shouldn't buy a house and instead we should just take all the money and go travelling round Europe for six months and run away and it would be so lovely and he shot that idea down quite quickly.

OH, funny story aswell. You know how your medical records are confidential right? And like, the fact that you used to have eating disorders is between you and your doctor yeah? Imagine if for some unknown reason the doctor decided to share this information with nursery. Wouldn't that just be a barrel of laughs? Can you imagine how totally inappropriate that would be? Good job that NEVER happens, yeah?

Apart from it did. Piglet's pediatrician included that information on a letter sent to nursery. She also spelled Piglet's name incorrectly all the way through. Aswell as my name. I was outraged at that letter. Outraged.

Yesterday I got an email from uni saying that my tuition fees were up this year from £3095 to £3370.

Nice one.


NNB, Piglet and I have just booked a couple of days away in Penrith in the Lake District next week. We've actually managed to get a stupidly cheap deal on one of these holiday apartments in this crazy old Hall (seriously it looks amazing I'm so excited right now).

God this is so disjointed. I'm so so sorry. This is my brain right now. There is no connections, just random things all over the place that all cause stress and chaos.


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